Poem: Hating You

I don't know why you had to be like that
You know what I'm talking about

You used your deceiving looks to play it well
This character you had taken on, this role you played
Is it because you hated me or is it because I hated you?

Remember when you took her with you
Hand in hand to see those things you never let me see?
I was at home that night
Crying myself to sleep
And hating you as though I've never hated anyone before

Remember when you asked me if it was okay for you to be with her again another day?
How you felt you owed her?
Oh, how I fell for that pathetically sad puppy face you gave me
And I smiled and let you go
Even though my heart ached and bleed
I really hated you then, as much as I do now

Remember when you used to wait for me all those lonely nights?
You told me it wasn't safe to be walking out all alone

Just like the wolf in the night
You hovered over my shadow
Baiting and taking your time

Oh, those tales you used to tell through those sharp pearly white teeth

You lied to me, you know
Lied straight to my face
I was merely a pawn in your game

Remember when you said you weren't sure?
Weren't sure about you and me?
Or the things we stood for?
How I smiled and hugged you
Telling you I would wait?
Wait for you to decide on my fate,
My life hanging on your every word

Remember that day when you came back?
You wanted me, not her?
How I first wept with joy as you brought me to the riverwalk
How about how we sat there for hours not talking because my heart ached
Ached in the pain you caused me that just wouldn't go away

I wanted to forgive and forget, but I couldn't
I felt her hand as I touched yours
I felt the warmth of her lips as I kissed you
Your skin reeked of her perfume
And your hair still had the streaks from her fingers

You were not mine
You never were
And I hated you then


                                                                *************
I always think love brings about a variety of feelings.  You can be happy one minute and angry the next.  And sometimes, in those angry moments of sadness, it's best to just leave behind what you believe is love so that you can move on and find true happiness. 

Finding "The One"

Photo Credit: Celebrity Icing

This weekend, I hung out with an old friend of mine and we had a conversation about finding the right person, or in her words "the right man."  Having gone through years of relationships that have gone nowhere, she decided that men were all jerks and that she will never find the right guy to settle down with.  She then proceeded to tell me about all her relationships that went wrong.  She was determined that men her age did not want to settle down.  They still wanted to go have fun and most of all, they still desired for that perfect girl...blonde hair and blue eyes.  However, she did concede that older men were becoming more attractive lately because they were more settled down, mature, and realistic about what they could or could not get.

I don't really think there is a process to finding someone, but I do know of coworkers who have found their significant others through an online dating website and now have beautiful kids and a happy family.  So is there really a right or wrong way to find your significant other? As a kid, my parents used to tell me that I'll find the person I love when I least expect it.  Being a teenager, I thought they were lying because they just didn't want me to date in high school, but I now must agree I do think they were somewhat right.  

I think that sometimes people just happen to meet, whether it is sitting next to each other in class or meeting at a bus stop.  But, I also believe that things just don't happen unless you pursue it further.  You can't expect to say have a boyfriend and girlfriend without agreeing to a date or show signs that you are interested in them.  Nor can you expect to sit at home and wait for him/her to "find" you at your house.  Trust me, I've tried this and it does NOT work.

That being said, I think finding someone involves being realistic.  We all have a picture in our mind of an ideal person we would like to date, but it's not practical at all.  Not everyone can date someone that looks like a model, so knowing the difference between fantasy and reality is important.  

So, is there really that "one" person out there? When my friend's girlfriend broke up with him, I tried to console him, saying, "Don't worry, there are many fishes in the sea, you'll find another and this time she'll be even better than the last one."  A pathetic and predictable way to console someone, but the truth is, there are billions of people in the world and to say that person that just tore your heart apart is the only one for you is ridiculous.  I think "the one" is someone that at the end of the day makes you a better you.  You don't need to have everything in common, but you do need to have an open relationship in which you can talk about everything with each other.  A relationship built on honesty and trust is important and necessary.  It's about growing together and learning to overcome challenges.  "The one" isn't something that is superficial, it's someone that is real, someone that you can touch and lean on when you need it most. 

Poem: I've Known You For How Long

I've known you for how long?
It seems like an eternity
Dare I exaggerate?

I've known you for how long?
Seven years of loving you
Two other years of knowing you from afar

So it's true, I've known you for nine years
Almost a decade I'm scared to say
Almost all my life
Of knowing you

I've known you since we were young, so naive, carefree, and sometimes reckless
I've known you since then
Almost all my life you know?

What was I without you?
What were you without me?

It's been so long, I can't seem to remember

So how does it feel?
This you being with me and me being with you

Is it too early to say we made it or too late to say we can't go back?

You've made me cry, you've made me laugh
You were the person that made it last

So, it's true, you do know all about me
Those things I've hidden behind closed doors
Those thoughts I've had that were once unexplored

You've known me for so long

But I also know what makes you mad and makes you feel guilty...oh so guilty, it's bad
I'm reckless in pursuing your weakness, no doubt I am

You say I'm evil, like the devil no one knows
I agree, loves changed me
Brought out the me I never knew

It's been almost forever, and we're getting old
Our relationship hasn't changed
I know what you like, you know what I hate

I've known you for so long...

Your simple ways, your kind heart
You changed me, you know?
You made me into a better me
You made me see my flaws
You gave me a bigger heart
And I learned how to share

You taught me that you know

But what did you learn from me all these years?
All these seven years...

*************

I don't know anything about poetry nor do I even claim to understand it.  I just so happened to be on my phone today typing this randomly in my notes.  Now it's posted here, unedited, and simply as it is. 

Do you ever get those moments in your life where something just pops in your head?  An idea?  A simple thought?