Finding "The One"

Photo Credit: Celebrity Icing

This weekend, I hung out with an old friend of mine and we had a conversation about finding the right person, or in her words "the right man."  Having gone through years of relationships that have gone nowhere, she decided that men were all jerks and that she will never find the right guy to settle down with.  She then proceeded to tell me about all her relationships that went wrong.  She was determined that men her age did not want to settle down.  They still wanted to go have fun and most of all, they still desired for that perfect girl...blonde hair and blue eyes.  However, she did concede that older men were becoming more attractive lately because they were more settled down, mature, and realistic about what they could or could not get.

I don't really think there is a process to finding someone, but I do know of coworkers who have found their significant others through an online dating website and now have beautiful kids and a happy family.  So is there really a right or wrong way to find your significant other? As a kid, my parents used to tell me that I'll find the person I love when I least expect it.  Being a teenager, I thought they were lying because they just didn't want me to date in high school, but I now must agree I do think they were somewhat right.  

I think that sometimes people just happen to meet, whether it is sitting next to each other in class or meeting at a bus stop.  But, I also believe that things just don't happen unless you pursue it further.  You can't expect to say have a boyfriend and girlfriend without agreeing to a date or show signs that you are interested in them.  Nor can you expect to sit at home and wait for him/her to "find" you at your house.  Trust me, I've tried this and it does NOT work.

That being said, I think finding someone involves being realistic.  We all have a picture in our mind of an ideal person we would like to date, but it's not practical at all.  Not everyone can date someone that looks like a model, so knowing the difference between fantasy and reality is important.  

So, is there really that "one" person out there? When my friend's girlfriend broke up with him, I tried to console him, saying, "Don't worry, there are many fishes in the sea, you'll find another and this time she'll be even better than the last one."  A pathetic and predictable way to console someone, but the truth is, there are billions of people in the world and to say that person that just tore your heart apart is the only one for you is ridiculous.  I think "the one" is someone that at the end of the day makes you a better you.  You don't need to have everything in common, but you do need to have an open relationship in which you can talk about everything with each other.  A relationship built on honesty and trust is important and necessary.  It's about growing together and learning to overcome challenges.  "The one" isn't something that is superficial, it's someone that is real, someone that you can touch and lean on when you need it most.