Growing Up

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The worst part about growing up is that eventually we all become adults. With adulthood comes responsibilities. Gone are the days of having parents pay for everything and not having to worry when or where the next paycheck is coming from.  Sure, there's the wonderful aspect of independence, but that means there are bills to pay for and when you marry, a husband and kids to care for.   

I sometimes wonder where my childhood went. It flew by so quickly, that I feel as though I didn't have enough time to embrace it for what it was. The lazy, hot summer days in which I went around the house doing simple nothing.  The days in which I biked around the neighborhood because I couldn't drive and my parents were too lazy to take me anywhere.  A quick stop at a friend's house, another stop at the local 7-Eleven for some overpriced ice cream and my day was set. 

I remember when I was in the 4th grade talking to my friend about what it would be like to go to college and how it exciting it would be if we could dorm with each other.  We sat on the lawn grass and spoke about how wonderful being an adult would be; we could buy all the french fries we wanted and sleep as late as we wanted to. Instead of looking towards the future, I should have lived and been content in my current state.  But, being a typical kid, I wanted more. I wanted what I couldn't have and I always thought that things could only get better as you get older.  Life was organized, just the way my teachers and the books I read taught me.  You go to college, you get your dream job, and you get married and have beautiful babies who love you just as much as you do them. Was I so naive to believe that?

Now that I am an adult, I know adulthood is not as amazing as I had imagined it to be.  But of course, it hasn't been terrible either.  I have more control over what I choose to do and I've learned many things that have helped me understand the world around me.  I've also learned about myself through the many relationships I have formed and experiences I have obtained in various settings.  Yet, somehow, I don't really feel like an adult.  Does that make sense?  I sometimes feel like I should know more than I do.  At other times I feel  as though I'm still the same girl in high school, just a little bit more knowledgeable.  I still love bike rides and doing immature things, such as racing my boyfriend down a flight of stairs to see who would win.  Heck, I even played freeze tag and patty cake with a bunch of five and four-year-olds a few weeks ago.  And you know what?  I had a ball doing it!  I'm not in denial of my adulthood. I know I have changed a lot over the years too, both physically and mentally.  Maybe it's the idea that I'm still learning and trying to find out who I am that makes me feel I haven't completely grown up.